Friend-Finding Apps and AI Companions
Plus, big news that I've been keeping secret for months...
The idea that we are more connected than ever through technology yet seemingly less connected in the ways that matter has become a cliché. So what do we need to do to change that?
I’ve long been interested in how technology can be designed and used to enhance rather than inhibit social health. For instance:
In 2013, I developed a digital campaign and smartphone app to help people deepen their relationships. (If you want to see what I was like 11 years ago, you can watch young Kasley pitching this idea at Stanford University… 🙈)
In 2017, after moving to a new city, I tried a friend-finding app—like a dating app but for platonic connection—and formed two friendships that have gone strong for seven years and counting.
In 2020, I began tracking startups in this space, which have since proliferated to hundreds (if not thousands) more, and I hear about new ones every week.
Building, using, and observing social tech over the years has left me cautiously optimistic about where this space is going. I applaud smart innovators for applying their skills to address loneliness and strengthen social muscles. I appreciate platforms that help you meet new people, find community groups to join, stay in touch with loved ones far away, connect across ages, or have better conversations. And I enjoy partnering with these companies as a strategic advisor.
However, there’s a sub-category of social tech that gives me goosebumps: AI companions. I wrote about the pros, cons, and complexities of people turning to artificial intelligence to fulfill their emotional needs in my book, and it has certainly become a hot topic in the media. What concerns me is when technology goes from being a tool for connection to a substitute for connection.
Check out that section in the book, as well as recent conversations I’ve had with reporters about these trends, and then I would love to know your thoughts!
Pages 209-222 in The Art and Science of Connection.
Washington Post article: “A New Loneliness Cure: Apps That Match You With Strangers for a Meal.”
Globe and Mail article: “Swiping for Friendship: The Apps and Events Designed for Making New Pals as an Adult.”
Interview on CBS News:
What else have you read or heard on this theme that you found insightful? If you’ve tried friend-finding apps, AI companions, or other social tech, what was your experience like? If you’re building one of these tools, what’s one challenge and one success you’ve had so far?
Feel free to hit ‘reply’ to let me know privately or comment on the post to share your thoughts with others.
Big News… I was interviewed for Big Think!
I’ve been keeping this secret for months and am thrilled to finally share it with you. Here’s the video on YouTube:
And here are behind-the-scenes photos from filming on set in Hollywood back in May (click the square to see more on Instagram). Such fun and such a surreal honor!
There have been other exciting developments in the past couple of months that I can’t wait to share with you, too. Keep an eye on your inbox for more updates in the weeks to come.
Upcoming events and opportunities
👉 September 5: Friends and colleagues in the Bay Area, join me in person for a conversation with fellow authors, Julia Hotz and Kat Vellos, about all things social health, social prescribing, and connection. This is sure to be a great event!
👉 September 6: This is the deadline to apply to CoGenerate’s community of innovators if you’re working on an intergenerational approach to reduce isolation or loneliness. (While you’re at it, check out my recent chat with CoGen VP Marci Alboher!)
👉 September 10: I’m thrilled that the Stanford Center on Longevity chose The Art and Science of Connection for their upcoming book club. The gathering is virtual and free, so I hope to see you there for an engaging discussion about the book.
Will you do a digital act of kindness?
It’s quick, easy, and much appreciated!
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Reviews tell the Amazon algorithm to boost the book.
Your review is social proof that may convince someone to read it.
More readers = social health spreads farther = better world for us all.
Sending you my virtual gratitude 🙏
Ugh! I want to love this topic SO badly, but my background in addiction simply won’t allow. There’s a dissonance that my brain won’t allow. Let me explain. And also let me preface by stating I admire Kasley’s efforts.
Using addictive (algorithm-based) technology like smartphone/apps, is akin to any other addictive substance. Let’s use alcohol or drugs, for example. The addict will never get better by simply using alcohol in a different/better way. The addict doesn’t get better from drinking beer instead of vodka. The idea of using a destructive device like a smartphone/app “for good” does seem plausible and understand why she makes the effort. But understand the root of the problem never goes away. To use a different metaphor, it’s like trying to cut the top of a weed. Sure it seems better but you didn’t *remove* the source of the problem.
TLDR; we MUST abandon smartphones all together to have meaningful progress (health). I am a realist and understand the likelihood this happens is less than .01%. That being said, our brains have been hijacked. We can try to find workarounds like Kasley and many others have tried. Or, we can finally accept reality: we don’t really want to be healthy. Seeking immediate pleasure is more important and will continue to win out as long as it’s around.